THE MARINA EXPERIMENT - PART I

RT 17:47                                                               Music - MICK HARVEY

OBITUARY LIMERICK

Posted on July 8, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment 

I once had a father named Abe
who treated me like a hot babe
he lecherously stared
while he photographed me bare
so my home felt like Abu Ghraib
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SAIL ON SAIL ON SAILOR

Posted on July 7, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

I have made a piece of art out of child abuse.  Sorting and resorting and editing the facts that are the source of my fury and my grief. I imagined I was desensitized, but every time I go back, I find new shards.

I am not a victim or a survivor. I don’t identify with these labels. I am an opponent. The enemy. The more people see my film the more I win. I have turned something hurtful into retribution. My father would be mortified. He would bare my backside and put me over his knees and spank me roughly and mercilessly and then lock me in my room. The spanking must have felt sexual, because now, just a hand mistakenly grazed past my posterior, perhaps on a crowded train, feels violating. Read more

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OBITUARY HAIKU

Posted on July 6, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment 

he does not hear me
in my eyes he sees himself
I am traumatized
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FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY

Posted on July 4, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

Best book title ever. I never even needed to crack the binding. That title is the best advice I ever got.

I have been thinking a lot about something, but have been afraid to write about it. In public anyway. Here it is. Read more

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SEEKING ASYLUM

Posted on July 4, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

I don’t know what that’s like.

to feel safe.

to be embraced with no genital intentions

just to feel cared for

to feel safe.

I don’t know what that’s like.

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MY BRAIN IS A RIOT

Posted on July 4, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

I strain to get to a word. It is imprisoned by my skull no window through my eyes.

My mother had collapsed onto her bad hip and her hand was firmly clutching nothing. A gang of teenagers had broken into the house and raped her while she was holding a dollar bill and then the fireplace started to melt, she said.

Spinal tap, brain biopsy, dementia of unknown origin. The doctors said it would happen to me too. That grim prediction.

And now I strain to get to a word.

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THE LARRY RIVERS ARCHIVE

Posted on July 4, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

The NY Times published an article about the Larry Rivers archive, which was purchased by NYU for an undisclosed price. The  archive includes films and videos of Rivers’ two adolescent daughters, naked or topless, being interviewed by him about their developing breasts. Although my father was not a famous artist, he documented himself watching me in inappropriate ways, just like Larry. Was this a trend in 1970’s Manhattan? Read more

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OBITUARY HAIKU #2

Posted on July 3, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment 

a kiss on the lips
I lock the door to my room
is he really dead?
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REVELATION

Posted on July 3, 2010 - Filed Under The Marina Experiment

Today I considered that maybe my relationship with my archive

is akin to my relationship with men.

I choose to be intimate with things that hurt me over and over.

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YOU SHOULD

Posted on July 2, 2010 - Filed Under This Burns Me Up

I hate it when I hear it. If I want your advice I’ll ask for it. Don’t tell me what to do.

You should take another pill. You should eat less carbs. You should ask for more money. You should tell her how you feel. You should keep it to yourself. You should buy yourself a treat. You should return it. You should get rid of him. You should stay where you are. You should take a chance. You should ignore it.

YOU should.

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